How To Play Dear Abby
By John Prine
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Dear abby, dear Abby, my feet are too long
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all
Won't you write me a letter, won't you give me a call
Signed bewildered
Bewildered, bewildered you have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
Dear abby, dear Abby my fountain pen leaks
My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks
Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed
If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead
Signed unhappy
Unhappy, unhappy you have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
Dear Abby, dear Abby, you wont believe this
But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss
My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head
But my stomach tells me to write you instead
Signed noise-maker
Noisemaker, noisemaker you have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
Dear Abby, dear Abby well I never thought
That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze
With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees
Signed just married
Just married, just married you have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up buster and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
Signed Dear Abby
By John Prine
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